Tuesday, September 24, 2013

On the Mind: Letting Go, Being Free

Sometimes…

If someone had told me a year ago that I would move to a completely new city where I only really knew one person (my boyfriend, who just so happens to be out of the state training) to start a new job and live completely alone, I would have said, "You're joking." 

I wouldn't necessarily call myself a risk-taker. Don't get me wrong; I love a good challenge or healthy competition. But I'm not a huge fan of change. So when I decided to move to a new city to live alone, I surprised even myself. I doubted my decision up to the very day I moved in (and even after). I contemplated telling my dad and boyfriend, "Don't move the couches. Put them back in the trailer, and let's drive back home." But I didn't.

My first night alone, to say I felt scared and lonely is an understatement. I had stayed at home or in my apartment alone before, but never had I lived completely by myself. As in -- no one was coming back in a couple of days. It's just me. And while I certainly miss living at home or with my best friends, it's almost liberating to know that I have overcome something I was scared of. 

My mom made the comment the week I moved in that I wasn't afraid of living alone, but more so of being alone. Those are certainly two entirely different things. My whole life, I've surrounded myself with people: I've always made sure I always had something to do with someone (even if that involved a lazy night in). She also told me that if I had never taken this chance, I would have regretted it. She's right -- mothers do know best, you know.

So what has this taught me? I can do this. I can tackle a new city. I can persevere even when I think I can't. 

Yesterday, a friend shared a blog post she had found about being in your twenties and the stereotypes and expectations that exist and/or limit you based on your age. I realized then and there that I had put the years of my life into little compartments and tried to uphold those standards. Yet at the same time, even around graduation a few months ago, I couldn't picture my life and what it would be like.

Even still, it's hard to believe that this is my new life. Here I am, a twenty-something, trying something completely new. But why is that so hard to believe? This is the time to do something new, to adventure, to explore, to make mistakes. 

I miss home everyday, yet at the same time, I am so proud of myself for venturing out into the unknown and trying a new adventure -- my adventure. I am in charge of my own life -- and I can take the necessary steps to make myself happy.

Here's a challenge: Don't play it safe. Don't stay sedentary. Don't do what you think others want you to do. Accept a new challenge, a new adventure, a new calling. It doesn't have to be as drastic as a new place or a new job. But don't limit yourself based on what you are fearful of.

"Sometimes what you're most afraid of doing is the very thing that will set you free." It'll be worth it. Promise.

xoxo,
Zelle
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4 comments

  1. This is my favorite blog yet. I love you, my grown up child.
    Mom

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  2. Good for you Zelle! The older you get you will really figure out Mom knows what she is talking about, just ask Jordan.
    Ms. Lynette

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  3. Its funny..you have been more in my thoughts and prayers (then usual) since your move. I've been praying that you find peace with this new adventure/chapter in your life. I'm so happy that your are finding that peace. Your mom was right, change can be so scary...but the thought of regret can be absolutely haunting. I am so proud of you!!
    I'm still planning on getting together with you when I'm in Charlotte for dance. <3 Lisa

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  4. Zelle I love this entry of your blog. I remember us talking about your move back in the spring. I did a similar thing when I was 21 and left the fun and comfort of Chapel Hill for Southport, where I only knew 3 people. It was scary and there were many nights where I wondered what in the world am I doing?! But it turned out to be the best thing I ever did. I learned who I was and who I wanted to be. I learned that I could take care of myself and that laid the foundation for me to then be able to care of others (Everett!!).

    I am so proud of you for taking that leap of faith and squashing your fears and insecurities. I think one day you will look back and realize that this journey marks the beginning of your life as an adult ;)

    We miss you in Raleigh but are so glad you're doing well!

    Kendra

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